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It's getting to that time of year where we're really grateful that children are stepping away from their school routine and they will be able to have some family time down time and also just generally have a break. Many parents relish the idea of not having to rush out the door in the morning, remember homework, snacks and lunches and even what kit will be needed for the after schools activity. But then the fear and the reality of maybe 6 to 10 weeks of children at home and how to manage that plus work, shopping, family time, and generally running a household in a different way kicks in.
Was it always like this? It depends how far you go back. When I reflect upon my school holidays a lot of it was mostly self-entertainment with books, drawing, playing, Perhaps going on holiday with my parents or just hanging out with my local friends. We got bored, no doubt but from that boredom, creation came.
When I think about my own children who are now in their mid 20s, video games began to creep in, also social media started to be more visible and it was to be easier to ‘chat’ online than make the effort to meet up, but not to the extent of today. They hung out with kids their own age, laughed, it was generally safe. It's easy to look back with rose tinted glasses and think everything was OK, but there were times of frustration.
It's difficult for parents today due the pressures of social media, peer pressure, the need to conform is embedded at such a young age to be part of the gang or be ostracized because you don't like the same things. Additionally if children are watching something, following a particular program on YouTube or playing a particular game, this may be the only way they feel they can unite with their friends.
But let's get back to you the parents and how you feel. As a mother of two grown up children, I often look back at the times and realized I was stretching myself too far like juggling all the balls in the air. Trying to work, keep on top of the house , shopping and being a wife and all these different roles was draining. Trying to keep everything in harmony became the most difficult thing to do and I wish I could have told myself to just have a break.
Trying to keep too many things in the air or control meant that I was the one who was suffering. I needed to change how I approached things.
Things would always get done eventually but probably not in the time frame that I wanted. So that was the first thing to change and stop getting hung up about.
I also had to think of what was creating the most areas of stress: the kids ate a whole week's worth of shopping in three days, that ever increasing mountain of washing, the demands to be chauffeured to one location or another (at different times), that everything had to be OK for when my husband walked through the door, that my whole life revolved around my kids agenda and there was nothing for me.
Some of these things may be as relevant today as they were for me then. It's easy for children to be in babysitting mode with a digital device and a video game, hours can just disappear effortlessly. However what are the consequences of this? I'm not saying that these don't have their place because they do. As for many children it may be their only contact with their school friends during the holiday and I understand for parents who have a crushing workload it's an escape from having to deal with a nagging child or a child that's just simply bored and is vocal about it.
But think about you and your time. In this busy agenda that we have, block off some time for you. Let it be known that it's your time and you don't want to be disturbed, put a timetable on the fridge ‘this is my time I am not contactable’ I might be in the house but I'm going to spend an hour and a half in the bathroom, I'm going to spend two hours doing what I want to do, this is my time and soon people begin to realize that that's your time your time to just switch off and decompress.
Stop neglecting what your body is saying to you. With age I realize that pushing yourself physically as well as mentally gets harder to recuperate and of course it has its detrimental effect.
Discover the power of delegation with your children. Not all kids welcome chores with open arms, but does that mean its ok for you to do everything? Put that ‘to do list’ in a visible place but don’t get hung up with time scales to do it in or it immediately become defunct.
Example: Clean your room, by Friday. Wash up – 3 times a week, let me know the days. Wash the car – you have from Friday to Sunday evening to do it. Food planning – let's decide on meals so all the snacks don’t disappear! Washing – I need your clothes by Tuesday, Friday and Sunday each week. Organize your visits – taxi service has a limit!
These are just simple examples but I found they worked well as by giving my kids the autonomy, it produced less stress and more accountability. My children had negotiated the chores, time scale etc. so if they did not do the task in the time scale they had elected, it just built up to the next week. Meaning losing more gaming, friend or personal time.
It may sound like I was a taskmaster but when you break down these chores into a routine of days, weeks and months it is very little but it also helped my children recognize the things I do. Imagine complaining about having to wash up two or three times a week yet mum probably does it two or three times a day? Imagine complaining about sorting out the washing 2,3 or four times a week yet mum does in it on a regular basis for maybe 10, 15 or twenty years.
Be compassionate with yourself and be kind. Give yourself more time because time is something you never get back. Small measurable changes in your life will make a huge impact overall. You will start to notice that you are anxiety level or drop and really some things are not worth getting upset about, they will get done eventually.
And think about it, if you are having a bad day with the kids, you are probably not alone, everybody is going through similar issues right now. Kids are resilient and they bounce back and they get through. Take care of yourself, your physical and mental health and get through the summer! Take off the ‘superhero mum’ cape and enjoy!